It's been a crazy last month or so. I was really sick for several weeks and was dealing with a few other things that made me step back and take some time off for my own mental and physical well-being. I tried to go back to the gym a couple of weeks ago and guess what you should never do when you're battling strep, inner ear infections and bronchitis....attempt to work out. Bad things happen. Dizziness. Nausea. Just don't do it. If you're fighting illness, let yourself heal first as your body is already working harder than normal.
Having said that, this blog is about total wellness...that means it's more than physical well-being, it's also mental, emotional and spiritual well-being, too. This past week has been a rather contemplative one for me in which I've really been reflecting on the changes I've made over this past year.
One year ago today the most serious relationship of my life ended. April Fools Day was certainly a fitting time for it to happen, too. We weren't married, but we did live together for the better part of two years and were raising a child together. The aftermath felt like a divorce and as if someone took my child away from me. I was losing people I'd come to love as my own family, too.
I cried daily for several months leading up to it and in the month before I moved to St. Louis. I didn't know if I'd ever be happy again. I even told myself that the break-up was just temporary and that we'd eventually find our way back to each other. I laugh now thinking about that. The first month that I was here in St. Louis, completely alone was really hard. Sure, I had my family and oldest friends around me, which was fantastic, but I couldn't help but feel that so much of who I was lost in DC and like I'd never get it back.
One day in late Summer it hit me...I had been so worried about being alone and unhappy that I didn't even realize that I hadn't been truly happy for a very long time...in my former relationship or with myself. And so began a process of peeling back the layers and understanding, accepting and forgiving myself and others.
It's April Fools Day again, only this year I am leaps and bounds from person I was a year ago.
I am strong. I am happy. I am content. I am at peace. More than all of that, I love myself, not in spite of all that I have been through but because of it. The picture on the left is of someone who faked happy for a very long time. The picture on the right is of someone who finally learned how to fight for herself and learned to love herself along the way.
It's been the hardest fight of my life, yet the most rewarding in every possible way.