This is where the healing begins...

Good morning, world!

I love blogging.

I truly do. I don't just have my blog but I also belong to some other groups in which my story is shared with people all over the world. For the longest time I was ashamed of my story because I felt like I was so different. I was tormented horribly for years because of my story by others.The physical and emotional pain I felt from such a young age that I thought might be my life indefinitely is so far removed now. I have people reach out to me on a daily basis to tell me that because of my willingness to share my story, it's inspired them and made them believe that they can absolutely change their story, too. That heals my soul like nothing else ever has or ever could I think.

I love Blogger's format because it allows me to see all of the countries my blog has been read in. US, Canada, UK, Australia, Slovenia, Hong Kong, New Zealand, Indonesia, Ireland, Netherlands, Philippines, France, Germany, Poland, Mexico, Austria, Panama, Belgium, Norway, Russia, Japan, Pakistan, Turkey, Brazil, South Africa, Singapore, Finland and Ukraine. 28 countries.

People always ask "Why does God allow this to happen to someone?" For a long time I did wonder "Why me? Why do I have to endure this? Will it ever stop?" Had a friend not been horribly sick for many years and shared his story with me, I wouldn't be where I am today. I never would have started juicing nor would I know anything about Primal/Paleo. I wouldn't know about how much you can heal yourself when you take doctors and medications out of the equation. If I hadn't had all of those experiences, I wouldn't be able to help others the way that I have.

There is a song called Healing Begins by a group called Tenth Avenue North. My favorite part of the song says "Afraid to let your secrets out, everything that you hide can come crashing through the door now. But too scared to face all your fear, so you hide but you find that the shame won't disappear. So let it fall down. There's freedom waiting in the sound when you let your walls fall to the ground."

At dinner last night with a girlfriend, we were talking about the freedom I feel in knowing that I can't possibly feel more hurt than I've already felt before. While we were talking about something very specific, I feel as though that notion spills over into every part of my life. Physically, I can't possibly feel pain worse than what I've felt before. Emotionally, there is nothing that can ever hurt me more than I've already been hurt before. Spiritually, I can never be lower than I was before. There is such freedom in knowing that about myself. To know that my worst days are truly behind me and there is no turning back now is a truly incredible feeling.

For so many years I feel as though I walked through life merely existing. I have lived more in the past two years than the twenty-seven years before that. I embrace the life I have and know that God has absolutely used every part of me and my story. I know that I was designed to do more than just exist.

What's your story?

xoxo

Some days...

What?! Some days I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror, or notice that a sweater seems even bigger than it was a few weeks ago and I stop and stare. Today was one of those days. I ditched the sweater and couldn't believe what I saw in the mirror. It's so amazing to me the way the weight and inches have just been coming off since early Fall. More than that, I'm amazed by the internal transformation.

Your size doesn't make you happy. There will always be something about your body that you don't like no matter how much you weigh or what the tag on your clothing says. I've had months of soul searching now and I know that the people who know me best are also blown away. For the first time in my life my happiness is truly about myself. I accepted my size a long time ago after years and years of trying to lose weight but never being able to. I accepted that I would "live" my life in pain and discomfort as I had for more than a decade. I accepted that because it was all I had known for most of my life. One day in the Fall, I realized that just because you accept something doesn't mean you give up on the idea of what could be. Combining the juicing, eating mostly Primal/Paleo, chiropractic care plus truly understanding that I am SO much more than I have ever given myself credit for or ever allowed myself to be has made such a huge difference.

I am the happiest that I have ever been. I feel the best that I have ever felt. You know what's even more awesome than that? Knowing that I'm nowhere near finished with this whole process.

xoxo

Let's talk juice...

Hello, world!

Mean Green juice that I made this morning...gorgeous, isn't it?

I've had a lot of people asking me about juicing lately. I love to juice. It's truly changed my life. I knew before I started that juicing wouldn't be a diet per se, but instead would become a new lifestyle or identity. I knew that in starting to juice I would be leaving an old life filled with pain, agony, medications, doctors and depression behind me. Guess what...that's exactly what I've done!

Here are some great links from Joe the Juicer's website that talk about juicing and rebooting/detoxing...he's definitely an expert!

Juicing Benefits

Rebooting

Juicing vs. Blending

Something else that I do on a daily basis now is drink at least one large cup of hot water with lemon in the mornings. I've grown to like it so much that if I need a boost in the afternoons (like today) I'll have more.

Total weight loss as of this morning: 116 pounds

xoxo

So far...

Left-December 2008...Right-December 2014

There are times I walk past a mirror or see a picture of myself and I almost don't recognize myself. Most of the time it has nothing to do with the weight loss. My mother told me in the fall how good it was to see me so happy. I thought at the time it had to do with the guy I was dating who I had taken home with me. Last weekend, someone told me that when they look at me they see someone who finally sees what other have always seen. I corrected them and said "No, that's called happy. You see happy and you see peace." I've never had this as an adult. Happy on my own. Happy to have virtually no pain for the first time in 16 years. Happy to be exactly where I am at this very moment.

I went to a new chiropractor last night after work (yay!) and we talked at length about total wellness vs. purely physical health. I told him that has been my focus for several months now. He asked me what sort of a difference that has made and I told him it's made all of the difference in the world.

A friend sent this to me a couple of weeks ago and I have it saved in my phone. Once in a while when scrolling through pictures I see it and think "so far."

Inspiraton...

Hello, world!

I've been asked a lot recently to put more information into this blog about juicing and eating/living Primal/Paleo...I will definitely start doing that. I've also had a dozen people in the past month or so reach out and ask for my advice or my opinion on either of those topics and weight loss in general. I don't think I ever expected that there would be a day when others came to me for advice on that specific subject.

On my birthday, a good friend told me that I inspire her to be the happiest that she can be. That was one of the best things that anyone has ever said to me. I have people who don't know me and don't know more story ask me why I blog. 1. It's a wonderful outlet that allows me to think creatively in ways that have nothing to do with small children. 2. I would know nothing about juicing and the Primal/Paleo lifestyle if an acquaintance of mine hadn't started his own blog about his experiences with all of his health issues and how his life was saved. 3. I want to let other people know that it is never too late to take control of your life and live the way you were meant to live.

It lifts my soul every time someone reaches out to me and tell me that because of my story they have done ______________. I "lived" a life filled with medications, doctors, pain, depression and anxiety for most of my life. I wasn't living. I was getting by and some days that seemed like a stretch even. Two years ago when I started juicing, I had no idea that it would take me where it has. I'm so thankful for this journey that I've been on. I have a long way to go but I truly live life now and embrace every day.

Thank you for being a part of my story and for inspiring me.

xoxo

Try to stop me...

I dare you!

Five months. The picture on the left was at the end of July. The picture on the right was at the end of December. That's more than 50 pounds now since Labor Day. Total weight loss 113lbs now. What?!

This year...

Happy New Year, world!

Life. It's funny. It's ironic. It's confusing. It's complicated. Sometimes, it's really quite simple though.

You all know I like to make things appear neat and pretty even when they are certainly less than that. That was pretty much the case from mid November until New Years. I fought with myself...a lot and for what? Honestly, I'm not sure. I woke up one day and things just made sense. People come and go in our lives and we can choose to be thankful for what they brought, whether it was good or bad and move on, or we can act like it didn't matter...sometimes we can even be mad. I choose to be thankful and to move on.

I don't know if I ever thought I would ever be at a place where I was so happy to just be me...but I am. I had a discussion last night with someone about how changing the way we choose to look at any number of things can completely change your life. I have seen this to be so true the past several months over and over. I see myself in a completely different light and had anything in this past year happened differently than it had, I probably wouldn't be at this point with myself...I wouldn't be happy or feel such peace.

xoxo